Jest a while Brother

Selling Ties.

Texan was walking through the Chihuahua desert, desperate for water, when he saw something, far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a Jewish man selling ties.

The Texan asked "Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?"

The man replied "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie? Here's one that goes nicely with your shirt."

The Texan pleaded, "Sir, I don't want a tie, I need water!"

"OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you that over that hill there, about 4 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, they'll give you all the water you want."

The Texan thanked him and walked away towards the hill and after two weary hours when the Texan eventually found the restaurant and asked the man standing at the door; “Sir, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?"

The man replied; “I can sell you water but to enter the restaurant, you must wear a tie. Did you buy the Tie?”

Joke: Pope having direct line to the Lord.

The Chief Rabbi of Israel and the Pope are in a meeting in Rome. The Rabbi notices an unusually fancy phone on a side table in the Pope's private chambers.

"What is that phone for?" he asks the pontiff.

"It's my direct line to the Lord!"

The Rabbi is skeptical, and the Pope notices. The Holy Father insists that the Rabbi tries it out, and, indeed, he is connected to the Lord. The Rabbi holds a lengthy discussion with Him.

After hanging up the Rabbi says. "Thank you very much. This is great! But listen, I want to pay for my phone charges."

The Pope, of course refuses, but the Rabbi is steadfast and finally, the pontiff gives in. He checks the counter on the phone and says: "All right! The charges were 100,000 Lira."

The Chief Rabbi gladly hands over a packet of bills. A few months later, the Pope is in Jerusalem on an official visit. In the Chief Rabbi's chambers he sees a phone identical to his and learns it also is a direct line to the Lord. The Pope remembers he has an urgent matter that requires divine consultation and asks if he can use the Rabbi's phone.

The Rabbi gladly agrees, hands him the phone, and the Pope chats away. After hanging up, the Pope offers to pay for the phone charges.

The Rabbi looks on the phone counter and says: "1 Shekel 50!"

The Pope looks surprised: "Why so cheap!?!"

The Rabbi smiles: "Local call."

Joke: Three Catholic women and older Jewish lady having coffee

Three Catholic women and an older Jewish lady were having coffee. The first Catholic woman tells her friends "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father."

The second woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him Your Grace."

The third old woman says "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, he's called Your Eminence."

As the little old Jewish lady sips her coffee in silence, the first three give her this subtle "Well...?" look, so she says: "My son is 6'5"; he has broad, square shoulders, lean hips and is very muscular; he's terribly handsome, has beautiful hair, dresses very well and always smells wonderful. Whenever he walks into a room, women say "Oh, my God...."