Dear Brethren,Let there be light;-
It seems one of our Past Masters went to Heaven and met with St. Peter. He identified himself as a member of the Craft and St. Peter asked, "What Lodge?"
Proudly the Master replied, "Simon W Robinson".
St. Peter immediately took him to the Masonic Clock Room. Each clock had a Lodge's name on a brass plate and, strangely enough, each clock was at a different time.
The Master asked why the clocks were all out of sync. St. Peter informed him that the hands only moved when someone in that Lodge made a mistake in the Ritual.
The Master then asked where his Lodge's clock was as he couldn't see it. St. Peter replied, "Oh, yours is in the kitchen, of course."
"The kitchen?!", asked the Master.
"Yes, you see, we needed a new fan."
Bro. John and Bro. Mike are getting dressed and ready for a lodge meeting. When John takes his apron out of the case, Mike notices a pair of silk stockings unrolling and hanging out of the case.
Mike asks: "I say, John, what's this with the ladies stuff?"
John gives a quick look and whispers, "You remember the installation meeting last year?"
Mike acknowledges and John goes on, "On the way home I stopped at the pub on where I met this lovely lady. Apparently she lost her stockings in my car, and my wife found them. I told her I was passed to a higher degree, and ever since she takes them out of the case washes them and puts them back in with my gloves!"
A Mason is on a Business Trip. One day he comes to a small village, somewhere in the north of England. Our Brother is curious to know whether there is a Masonic Lodge or not, so he takes a walk through the village and after some time he finds a path called "Mason's Road".
Thinking that the path might lead to the Masonic Temple, he follows it. At the end of the pathway he sees a building, which looks somewhat rotten and seems to have been out of use for quite a while. Our Brother tries to open the door and, surprisingly, it is not locked. He goes inside and finds dust and spider webs everywhere. In front a door there sits a skeleton, wearing an apron , a collar and holding a sword in its hand.
"O my God", thinks our Brother and enters the Lodge room. In puzzlement, he sees skeletons with collars and aprons everywhere. The W.M., the Wardens, the Organist, Deacons - all skeletons. He looks around and goes to the seats of the Secretary and Treasurer.
Under the hand of the Treasurer he finds a small piece of paper, a little note, which he seems to have passed to the Secretary. So our Brother picks up the note, blows away the dust and reads: "If nobody prompts the W.M., we will sit here forever!"
A story that made the rounds a few years ago as "gospel truth".
A Brother on a hunting trip in the wild of Maine. Day after day of his vacation went by without bagging a deer.
On the last day, as he was about to give up in desperation, he heard a crashing in the woods and saw a glimpse of brown and fired. Silence.
Rushing over to where he fired, he found that he had killed a bull moose, which is protected from hunters to save it from extinction.
As he stood there staring at the dead moose, a Game Warden stepped out into the clearing.
Our brother found his hands involuntarily raised in a certain position.
"What shall we do with the body?"
"Cover it, you damn fool," said the Warden, "and make your escape!"
Have you heard the story about that fellow who wants to go hunting?
He needed a dog and consulted a Brother. That brother, who sold dogs, gave him one, called JW. "It's a very good dog", he said, "he knows a lot about hunting and you can truly rely on him".
Our fellow took that dog. One week later he returned. "It's not too bad, but he doesn't seem to be very experienced. Haven't you got another dog?"
"Sure I have", said the Brother. "This one for example is called SW and he's a bit more experienced. Try him and if you don't like him, feel free to come back."
Indeed, our fellow returned the dog two weeks later. "He's quite good actually, but he's not what I'm looking for. Still I need a dog which is more experienced." "Well", said the Brother, "I can offer you a really experienced dog. He's called PM and you'll have good time with him."
So our fellow took the animal. Just one day later he returned. "What's wrong with him?", the Brother asked, "I haven't got any dog that is more experienced than this one."
"Well", our fellow said, "he might be experienced, but all he's doing is sitting there and barking!"
As the story goes here in the east, two friends were riding the train to work. Harry said to jim, "did you ever notice the conductor never takes a ticket from that guy wearing that funny ring. I've seen those rings in the pawn shop in Hoboken, I think I'll get me one and see what happens".
The next day Harry was flashing his new ring when the conductor came up and asked him, "Will you be off or from?"
Harry thought for a moment then replied "I'll be off".
The conductor told him he was right, he'd be off at the next station