A man had been convicted of murder and was about to be hanged. Just before the sentence was executed, the hangman asked the man if he had any last words.
"Yes" came his reply, "I hate Masons!"
"Why do you hate Masons?" asked the hangman.
"The man I killed was a Mason," explained the murderer, "the sheriff who hunted me down was a Mason, the Prosecutor who tried my case was a Mason, the Judge who presided at the trial was a Mason, and all of the men on the jury who found me guilty and said I should be hanged were Masons!"
"Is that all?" asked the hangman.
"Yes" replied the convicted murder.
"Then you will advance one step with your left foot..."
After receiving his entered apprentice degree the candidate returned home. His wife asked him what happened to him. Recalling that he couldn't give up the secrets of that degree all he could muster was, "Well honey, there were a lot of walkers, talkers and preachers."
With a somewhat confused look on her face she asked what he meant.
He explained, "Well, I couldn't see anybody in the room and was guided around. I would stop then somebody would talk. Then I was guided around by someone else, was stopped, then somebody else talked."
His wife then asked, "That explains the walkers and talkers ... what about the preachers?"
He pondered for a moment then finally replied, "Well, often when somebody finished talking I would hear some other people whispering 'Oh, God!'
A Mason was telling a fellow Mason about the trouble he was having with his ritual. His friend said he knew a Brother down the road who sells parrots that know the ritual and then prompt you when you have any trouble.
So the next day off he went to the shop. After strict examination, the owner pulled a curtain to reveal three parrots. The first was wearing a Master's apron, the second had on a MM apron, and the third bore a Grand Lodge apron.
"How much is the one with the Master's apron on?"
"$6000. He knows all the ritual including the inner workings, and will always prompt you when you get stuck"
"No, too expensive. What about the one with the MM apron on?"
"Well, that one is only $3,000. He doesn't know the inner workings, but knows all the ritual and will always prompt you when learning."
"No, still too much I'm afraid. What about the one wearing the Grand Lodge apron?"
"Oh, I can let you have him for just 10 bucks!"
"Why so cheap? He must know all the ritual and the inner workings?"
"Oh yes, he knows all the ritual alright. But when you make a mistake all he does is sit there and mutter 'Tut, tut, tut
A wife heard her husband come back into the house not too long after he had left for the night.
She said, "Honey, I thought you were going to your lodge meeting."
"It was postponed." He replied. "The wife of the Grand Exalted Invincible Supreme wouldn't let him attend tonight."
A man is walking through the recreation ground of his local park when he notices a huge fight in full fury on the football pitch he is passing.
"What's going on?", he asks a spectator watching from the side-lines.
The other replies "It's a match between the Masons and the Knights of St Columbus."
"What's the score?" asks the first man.
"I don't know, it's a secret."
Whilst visiting a newly initiated brother at home one day, his wife took me to one side and said her husband had started behaving very strangely since joining. I enquired in what way?
"He locks himself in the toilet for hours on end mumbling to himself with his little blue book."
As the evening proceeded I turned the talk to lodge, and asked him how he was getting on.
"Oh fine was his reply." I asked him about his behavior and if there was anything wrong.
"No", was his reply.
"So why only read the book in the bathroom?
"Well," he said "Its the only TYLED room in the house"....